what are some Funny Sayings/jokes?

i got one:
Can u believe the crazy stuff people do these days? I was at church & someone started drinking beer right next to me! I was so shocked I almost dropped my weed.

i got some shears you can shake
, guess what chiken butt
, some one colored in your ass with too much ass fat ass
,

Funny Sayings and Jokes

Picture of Penguins One By One the Penguins Slowly Steal My Sanity Coffee Cup $9.99 One By One the Penguins Slowly Steal My Sanity Coffee Cup New 11 ounce ceramic coffee cup Dishwasher safe, lead free…

I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ZOMBIES LOVE BRAINS 1.25 Magnet $0.65 These magnets are manufactured from the highest quality materials… made of a hard metal base, thick mylar, strong magnet and true to life vibrant colors. Put them on your refrigerator, locker, file cabinet or any metal object you can think of! Magnets are great party favors for your next gathering and also make great prizes/giveaways. They are wonderful gifts for everyone!…

Honey Badger Funny Kitchen Fridge Refrigerator Magnet Magnetic 2 1/8 x 2 1/8 inches. $3.99 This Honey Badger fridge magnet is perfect for sticking anywhere you wish and it’s also a lovely, affordable present. Our Honey Badger Refrigerator Magnets are printed on white quality paper in full color, protected with scratch resistant mylar and with full strips of magnet on the back. These magnets are made by hand in the U.S.A….

Adult Sayings Necklace – 16 Leather Corded – Two Pendants $19.99 Adult Sayings Necklace – 16″ Leather Corded – Two Pendants…

Larry The Cable Guy – Git-R-Done $2.78 Redneck comedian Larry the Cable Guy (co-star of Blue Collar Comedy Tour: The Movie) kicks off his live performance on Git-R-Done with one of the great questions of the modern age: “Ever have an orgasm so strong you hit your head on the back of the tub?” (He expresses gratitude that the VCR didn’t fall into the water.) A string of gay-bashing and other intemperate quips quickly follows, but Larry’…

Jack Paar – As I Was Saying…And More! $13.50 He succeeded Steve Allen as host of “The Tonight Show” and proceeded to make it his own with his informal style, provocative interviews, and celebrated clashes with the network. Along with Paar looking back on his show business career, this program also features memorable moments with such guests as Woody Allen, Bill Cosby, Judy Garland, John F. Kennedy, and others. 120 min. Standard; Soundtrack: …

The Knife Incident, Part 2 $1.99 …

The Official Bullsh*t Button (BS Button) $5.95 This straight-talking Bullshit Button allows you to call bullshit whenever you see it! Simply press the red buzzer to make it light up, buzz loudly and announce, That was bullshit! or shout, Bullshit detected, take precautions! over a wailing siren. No friend, relative, teacher, or colleague will dare to bullshit you again after setting off the bullshit alarm. Availability: This Bull Shit Button t…

Eviltron $9.95 There are a lot of scary things out there. But here at ThinkGeek Mindlabs(TM) we think there are certainly few things scarier than one’s own imagination. The human mind can play Insert alternative description here devious tricks on itself, especially when given a small amount of outside stimuli to work with. Your thoughts can easily lead you into a maze of paranoia and put you into a very uncomfor…

Accoutrements Sarcastic Ball $6.50 Sarcastic Ball We’ve all seen those 4″ dia balls that give answers to questions. Well this one does it with sarcasm: “Yeah, right,” “Ask me if I care,” and “Oh, please,” are examples….

1,000+ Hilarious Sayings and Jokes of Celebrated Wits and Humorists $0.99 4+~~DMBC~~Roger Lichfield~~http://itunes.apple.com/app/1-000+-hilarious-sayings-jokes/id392894748?uo=5~~2010 DMBC~~1.0~~2992562~~1466429~~~~http://www.myappbuilder.com

75,000 SAYINGS & JOKES – Best of $0 17+~~Mario Guenther-Bruns~~Mario Guenther-Bruns~~http://itunes.apple.com/app/75-000-sayings-jokes-best-of/id501717539?uo=5~~eins zum anderen~~1.0~~6412612~~23857419~~~~http://www.eins-zum-anderen.de/coolENG.html

88,000 Sayings & Jokes – Funny Catalog $0.99 17+~~Mario Guenther-Bruns~~Mario Guenther-Bruns~~http://itunes.apple.com/app/88-000-sayings-jokes-funny/id511349966?uo=5~~eins zum anderen~~1.1~~7615106~~65303868~~~~http://www.eins-zum-anderen.de/coolENG88.html

AudioMicro – 500+ Pro Sound Effects with Sneak Attack $0.99 4+~~AudioMicro, Inc.~~AudioMicro, Inc.~~http://itunes.apple.com/app/audiomicro-500+-pro-sound/id309901912?uo=5~~2010 AudioMicro, Inc. ~~1.1~~5861419~~9641311~~http://audiomicro.com/iphone/~~http://audiomicro.com/iphone/support.html

AudioMicro Lite – 50+ Pro Sound Effects with Sneak Attack $0 4+~~AudioMicro, Inc.~~AudioMicro, Inc.~~http://itunes.apple.com/app/audiomicro-lite-50+-pro-sound/id312699998?uo=5~~2009 AudioMicro, Inc. ~~1.1~~5861420~~4189112~~http://audiomicro.com/iphone/~~http://audiomicro.com/iphone/support.html

Dirty! Sex Catalog of Adult Jokes $0.99 17+~~Emo Media~~Joachim Bruns~~http://itunes.apple.com/app/dirty!-sex-catalog-adult-jokes/id512461028?uo=5~~Emo Media~~1.0~~7185687~~11346428~~~~http://www.emo-media.de/dirty.html

Doodle Farm™ $0.99 9+~~JoyBits Ltd.~~JoyBits Co Ltd.~~http://itunes.apple.com/app/doodle-farm/id427804316?uo=5~~2011, JoyBits Ltd~~1.0~~3547727~~16728757~~http://www.doodlegod.com~~http://www.avaloid.com/contact

Festive Fun $0 4+~~eii Consulting Ltd~~eiiConsulting Ltd~~http://itunes.apple.com/app/festive-fun/id480130302?uo=5~~eiiConsulting Ltd~~1.3~~7634820~~11820194~~http://~~http://eiientertains.com

Funny Sayings! $0 4+~~Ronald Bell~~Ronald Bell~~http://itunes.apple.com/app/funny-sayings!/id482486638?uo=5~~2011 Chime Superior~~1.4~~6575963~~2489663~~http://~~http://www.chimesuperior.com

Glückwunsch – Sprüche, Zitate, Grüße und Glückwünsche für jeden Anlass $0.99 9+~~Sven Schabbach~~Sven Schabbach~~http://itunes.apple.com/app/gluckwunsch-spruche-zitate/id438654016?uo=5~~eye-Visions~~3.1.1~~7702281~~20110589~~http://~~http://www.eye-visions.de

Lines & Quotes – The funny collection of sayings, quotes and jokes – text ready $0 12+~~Sven Schabbach~~Sven Schabbach~~http://itunes.apple.com/app/lines-quotes-funny-collection/id501982506?uo=5~~eye-Visions~~1.0~~6427979~~17361105~~~~http://www.eye-visions.de

Mosa Learn Italian $3.99 12+~~MosaLingua~~Samuel Michelot~~http://itunes.apple.com/app/mosa-learn-italian/id436230462?uo=5~~2011 MosaLingua.com~~3.4~~7326098~~56202613~~http://www.mosalingua.com/en/~~http://www.mosalingua.com/contact/english-contact/

MosaLingua: Learn French quickly with SRS Memorization (English – French) $3.99 12+~~MosaLingua~~Samuel Michelot~~http://itunes.apple.com/app/mosalingua-learn-french-quickly/id386768754?uo=5~~2011 – MosaLingua.com~~3.4~~7212298~~56511131~~http://www.mosalingua.com~~http://www.mosalingua.com/english-contact/

MosaLingua: Learn Spanish quickly with SRS Memorization (English – Spanish) $4.99 12+~~MosaLingua~~Samuel Michelot~~http://itunes.apple.com/app/mosalingua-learn-spanish-quickly/id386602206?uo=5~~2011 MosaLingua.com~~3.4~~7339852~~61996164~~http://www.mosalingua.com~~http://www.mosalingua.com/english-contact/

Pasty Tax $0 9+~~Jacob Woolcock~~Jacob Woolcock~~http://itunes.apple.com/app/pasty-tax/id513474957?uo=5~~Jacob Woolcock, 2012~~1.0.1~~7389851~~3997448~~http://www.cornishsoundboard.co.uk~~http://www.cornishsoundboard.co.uk

Pasty Tax HD $0 9+~~Jacob Woolcock~~Jacob Woolcock~~http://itunes.apple.com/app/pasty-tax-hd/id513710636?uo=5~~Jacob Woolcock, 2012~~1.0~~7232694~~4396093~~http://www.cornishsoundboard.co.uk~~http://www.cornishsoundboard.co.uk

Rock Mama $0.99 4+~~MilvusMigrans~~ChihYi Huang~~http://itunes.apple.com/app/rock-mama/id412692584?uo=5~~Milvus Migrans~~1.1~~3291828~~1274530~~http://www.milvusmigrans.com~~http://www.milvusmigrans.com

SmileNFoto $0 9+~~PlanBProductions~~Mark Winer~~http://itunes.apple.com/app/smilenfoto/id513779232?uo=5~~Plan B Productions~~1.0~~7234793~~6737882~~~~http://www.twotalltotems.com

The Book Of Common & Uncommon Proverbs $3.99 4+~~AppsPublisher.com~~Netlancer, Inc~~http://itunes.apple.com/app/book-common-uncommon-proverbs/id374878513?uo=5~~AppsPublisher.com~~1.2~~3212154~~7144691~~http://www.AppsPublisher.com~~http://www.AppsPublisher.com

Tiny Journal $0.99 4+~~Cognitive Bits~~Cognitive Bits Software srl~~http://itunes.apple.com/app/tiny-journal/id497968175?uo=5~~2011 Cognitive Bits Software~~1.0~~6102367~~705288~~~~http://www.cognitivebits.com